I believe the journey is just as important as the finish line, so here's my bfp novella.
I have a 21mo old toddler. We got pregnant with him on the 1st try (I was 36). Literally 1 BD and boom! I was up the duff. I had assumed it would take a while, so I had bought the VIP membership on Fertility Friend, started bbt charting, got about 100 opk's, etc. Perhaps I jumped the gun a bit there. But I guess I was just preparing myself for TTC#2, during which I would need ALL these tools and more in my arsenal. (there's a lot of gun analogies here, forgive me, I'm from Texas (and actually hate guns..?)).
It's taken us 7 months. I know it takes some women much longer, but 7 months is still a long time to wait when you're smug and entitled and naive and think it'll happen instantly again. Ha! Joke was on me! There's several ways Mother Nature decided to f* with me this time. Played me like a violin. 1) The first month of ttc, I had nausea and cramping all through the tww. I *had* to be pregnant. I mean please, what else could it be? Turns out that on my new uber-healthy diet I had gone to so much effort to be on, I was eating too much kale. No, not trans-fat McDonalds. Kale. Too much kale??!?!? is that even possible?! yes it is and it involves the kale stems. Which just proves that you really can never truly win in this life. 2)You know that saying "a watched pot never boils"? Well this watched pot started to not even ovulate. Gee whiz, I at least had a few things on my side and they were a regular cycle, regular ovulation, decent health, etc. One by one they went down like that carnival game where you shoot at the ducks and they flip down boom boom boom. First, health. I got absolutely demolished by virus after virus brought home by my vector of contagion son from his petri dish of a daycare. My immune system was reduced to that of a cancer patient, according to blood tests. My cycle went nuts. It took about 3 months for it to steady out again, but all the while I (and my husband) kept taking sucker punches from more colds and viruses. But we futily kept TTCing, my husband using his last ounce of strength heaving his near-lifeless body on top of me while I just lay there blowing my nose. S.E.X.Y. Every month, I would have different symptoms or signs that made me think I must be preggo. Once again, Mother Nature just having a grand old laugh at my expens.! I was so stressed out and felt awful, we moved house, and it was winter and cold and I just wanted to throw a tantrum like my toddler does. My acupuncturist (more on that below) said that I had little hope until the weather got better and we stopped getting sick constantly. But, I think I made some other changes, which along with the easing up of the severity of the viruses (if not the frequency), helped get the magic to happen this month.
Here's what I think made a difference:
1) I've been seeing a fertility acupuncturist weekly for the past 4 months. I've taken some (gag-inducing) herbs but none recently. The last mix was for my last period, to make it stronger and flush more out (it was a bit stronger on day 1 but that's it). Acupuncture had to have something to do with the new-to-me O pains and spotting this month.
2) I started taking CoQ10 last month. 100mg (high-absorption ubiquinone) for about a month, then I read up on fertility dosages, and upped it to about 400mg for about 2 weeks - those 2 weeks were during the first 2 weeks of this cycle. (but I didnt' plan it that way). Then I ran out. (But, my advice is for you to get Ubiquinol, a better form of this). I had *major* ewcm that 2nd week of this cycle, almost like was Oing on cd8 or something. Pretty sure I didn't, but it was kind of crazy. Ewcm reduced after I quit taking the CoQ10. Not sure what was going on, but I guess it didn't hurt.
3) I've been seeing a naturopath for the past 2 months. She gave me some vitamin supplements, like B12 and a better form of folate (folinic acid?). One that helped my energy was Metagenics EnergyX. Unfortunately I think you can only get it from practitioners.
4) I started eating better. Last month, both my acupuncturist and naturopath recommended I eat lots of stews, soups, and meat, to regain strength (build up Qi, because apparently according to Chinese medicine I'm so Qi deficient I shouldn't be alive) so I changed my diet quite a bit. This month, I was actually on a very mild 'cleanse' under my naturopath, which mainly consisted of not eating gluten, dairy, caffeine, alcohol or sugar. Here's my stellar adherence rate: gluten, 90%, dairy 90%, alcohol: 0%, sugar 0%. I still felt a lot better.
5) I quit coffee. I only drank 1 cup a day normally, but quitting made the biggest difference ever in how I feel on a daily basis. Notice I'm not saying all caffeine; just coffee! Green tea is the bomb, I love it. IF YOU ARE HAVING TROUBLE CONCEIVING, REALLY CONSIDER QUITTING COFFEE. There's many reasons. A) it revs you up and induces the stress response. Stress is your ttc enemy. B)It makes your body acidic. Acidic environment in your hoo-ha kills the sperm. You need to be alkaline! Salads, greens, lots of water... don't sabatoge all that good diet effort with a dose of acid. C)it dehydrates you. It dehydrates me. Once I stopped my cup of coffee, I think I got back in touch with my true thirst and started drinking way more water, and feeling SOOO much better. D) all the rest of the scientific evidence about longer time to conception for caffeine users, more miscarriages, affecting Fallopian tubes,etc. Look up acid/alkaline balance, and you can order cheap urine Ph strips if you want to test yours!
6) I relaxed. (oh god not that again, you say). I was a big ball of stress for so many months, on the edge all the time. I felt awful even when I wasn't sick. I work full time, have the toddler - and we all know husbands can be kind of helpless too - and no time for myself. But when I quit drinking coffee, and drank more water, took the vitamins from my naturopath, and improved my diet (no more peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for breakfast as I raced out the door), I felt calmer and better enough to be able to breathe out, and be in a better mood. My husband kept remarking on the amazing difference in my energy levels, mood and appearance. We also got away for a night for my birthday. Drank tons of sake and beer (oops), ate tons of sushi (oops). I hadn't had real fun in months.
Listen, I know women get pregnant all the time while smoking, drinking 6 cups of coffee and eating party pies all day. Heck, some get preggo while shooting up heroin. But if you're actually trying and month after month it's not happening, you are not those women. I am not, either, and it's worth considering making some real lifestyle/diet improvements. You just want to know you've done everything you can, don't you?
I remember that when I got pregnant with my son, I wasn't drinking coffee and I was doing green smoothies and eating well, and I had just started a new job so it was all fun and I wasn't stressed yet. So there you go. I guess that's what *I* have to do to be able to get pregnant.
Here's my symptoms by DPO:
(I never got a + opk because internet cheapies CAN SUCK MY BALLS!!!!, but FF tentatively puts my O at CD19)
DPO -2 to 0: Ovulation pain. Serious, very very acute and very real ovulation pain for 3 days. Bloating and tender left breast, under my armpit. Ovulation spotting on O day. I have never had O pain, bloating, tender breasts or spotting before!! Pain mostly on left side but a bit on right, too. Could *feel* my ovaries. Spotting (brown) filled the toilet paper when I wiped, but only once. Thought my cycle was going screwy again and this was the start of AF. Was so mad. But when nothing more came out I googled and realized it was O.
1DPO: nothing.
2DPO: thirsty, and feverish (chills) even though I don't actually have a fever. Probably getting sick again.
3DPO: nothing. I celebrate my birthday by bingeing on alcohol and sushi for hours like the gluttonous pig that I am.
4-6DPO: thirsty and frequent urination, mainly in the evening, and probably simply because I had been drinking so much more water than usual! Increased appetite on 6DPO. Temps high and looking good. Get a cold, of course. That'll teach me to go out and have fun.
7DPO: temp still up high where it should be (near 37C, vaginal temping) (I've been colder other months, and all practitioners said it should be near 37C (again, temping vaginally) so happy with that at least!) Still have a cold, though.
8DPO: this where the fun starts. Major temp dip (.3C) - could this be implantation dip (which isn't actually scientifically a real thing)? Cramps in evening, real but minor, for about an hour. They seem to extend into my lady parts - kind of a constant throbbing or aching all along the undercarriage, maybe like it's slightly swelled (I'm going to say here that this is probably unique to 2nd or subsequent pregnancies - not 1sts. In your 1st your lady bits are all tight and in their proper place, and haven't been stretched like a rubber band to the moon and for a final insult torn open like a kid's gift at Christmas. But you have that to look forward to ;) ) Major increased appetite. Increased energy, but still have that cold.
9DPO: Temp back up again to 37C. Way to go, body, you are doing good!! Maybe my cycles are getting better and maybe someday I'll be able to get pregnant!! Wow, imagine that! Thirsty, still ridiculously hungry, cramps again in afternoon/evening, including funny undercarriage pain/aching/swelling. Had one very weird cramp - it was almost like Braxton-Hicks. Those are 'fake' labor cramps you usually get in your third trimester. Weirdest things ever: your lower abs clench into a rock, but it doesn't hurt. Literally no feeling. Just a numb rock for 30sec or so. This cramp was like that, but with some feeling. No real pain, but not numb either. Very very strange.
10DPO: Temp is still high! It's never stayed this high for this many days before. I test because I'm a moron. BFN. Irritable (wonder why?). I eat my sorrows away.
11DPO: still hungry! Temp went down a bit, so I figure this is the beginning of the end. That evening, I discover spotting all over my underwear. Declare to hubby that we're out for this month, and get angry again because it appears my luteal phase is only 11 days and my cycle must still be screwy. Fabulous. Mother Nature you are a mega-b**ch. Where's the wine?
12DPO: Don't temp because why bother? but hmm, no further flow at all. Can't remember how pre-AF spotting went in previous months, so just waiting for AF... Breasts feel a tiny bit fuller but aren't sore. I workout and am especially out of breath. Figure it's because I took all last week off because I had a cold. (But, this was one of my pregnancy signs with DS, my usual workout getting me more out of breath). No cramps, just dull pelvic ache, and a bit of the weird undercarriage ache, too. Lots of energy.
13DPO: wake up and realize still no AF. It should be due today or tomorrow. I temp, and it's almost 37C. That is VERY interesting. Have a bit of nausea, breasts still subtly fuller but not sore. Tons of energy. I test, and it's a BFP!!!!!! Today I have constant crampiness but the nausea went away after breakfast.
Please keep in mind, I've had the dull pelvic ache and cramps more months than not - especially that godforsaken kale month. Some months I've had way more crampiness and ache than I did this month! The absolute different symptoms that I can look back on and say were true signs are increased appetite (not just a little- a lot), that weird Braxton-Hicks-like contraction, the undercarriage achiness/throb, and my temps being higher and staying higher later in my cycle (they usually start going down by 9dpo). I don't know what to make of having O pains/spotting for the first time ever, but I guess it was a strong healthy O. Hope that means this bean will stick!!
Good luck to you all, don't lose hope, and I wish you all the luck in the world in finally, someday, achieving your bfp and having abeautiful baby (or two!) xxoxxo