To all who are reading this, please know that I scoured the BFP stories for several months and never thought I would actually post my own.
I'm 36 and we've been ttc for 10 months. First time for both me and my husband. All this time I was becoming so jealous and bitter at people popping up pregnant all around me. I was getting so down on myself, thinking something was wrong with me or with us, that we couldn't seem to conceive. I even had to take on extra work at my job because my co-worker just went out on maternity leave. Went through the whole pregnancy process with her from beginning to end...all the while feeling like a failure about our own situation.
I want to reassure you that I was SO convinced I wasn't pregnant this time around. I've had more psychosomatic symptoms in previous months than I did real symptoms this time. So I'll share my story in hopes that it is helpful to someone.
Shortly after my husband and I last BD'd (sorry I'll just use the acronym), I went on vacation and was so doubtful about the timing...I thought I wasn't due to ovulate until well into my trip. Still, we tried anyway. The day I left for the airport, I got a screaming sore throat, followed by a bad sinus cold, which eventually settled into my chest and turned into a cough that lingered for 2 weeks.
All the while, my skin itched like CRAZY. I thought I was allergic to a new body wash I was using. And I had intermittent periods of bitchiness which I chalked up to PMS.
After returning from vacation, there was stress week from hell at work, when we got a surprise state inspection. I worked 12-hr. days for almost a week. That Friday, I went out with coworkers to celebrate the fact that we survived the week, and drank way more than I ever do. I had 5 drinks over 6 hours I think. Very unlike me, but I was so convinced I wouldn't be pregnant (AGAIN) that I didn't give it a second thought.
Well, at 12 days DPO I got some pretty visible spotting that looked exactly like the beginning of my period. I put a pantyliner in and packed some extra tampons etc. on my way to work that day. I even told my husband, "well, that's it for another month." But the strange thing was that after that, it stopped. Usually it ramps up to a full-blown period but this time it stopped completely. One day went by, then another, and another. On 14 days DPO I unwrapped a pregnancy test but didn't use it--I didn't want to be disappointed. Finally on 15 days DPO (a Monday morning), I went ahead and tested. I steeled myself for the inevitable disappointment, because my cycles are irregular (sometimes 35 days long) and I was convinced AF was just late.
I was FLOORED when it turned up positive right away. My hand started shaking and I thought I must be reading it wrong. My husband and I decided to wait until the following day and test again, using two other tests I had of other brands, just to confirm. It was super hard to concentrate at work that day. The next morning I tested again, and sure enough, both the second and third tests also came out positive right away.
So, no feelings of being pregnant, no increased appetite (until very recently), no metallic taste in the mouth, no bleeding gums, no nausea, no fatigue (until very recently), no leg pain, no crazy smelling abilities, no nothing! My boobs were swollen but that happens every month. Perhaps the itchy skin, sinus cold, and the grouchiness were symptoms, but I didn't recognize them AT ALL.
If this is meant to be, it will be. I am in shock, but I am also wanting to share my story because I know how meaningful other people's stories have been to me over the past several months. Please don't get too down on yourself. I am proof that it can happen without any rhyme or reason. And don't listen to people who accidentally get pregnant without even trying, who have the gall to say, "getting pregnant should be FUN! Just RELAX!" They don't know how tough it can be. I know it's hard ttc, but hang in there. For some reason God made it a nearly impossible feat of miraculousness for us to even manage to get pregnant. No wonder it can take awhile!
Sending my positive energy and hope out to you all!